<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Out of Your Mouth (And Into Mine) by ElectricKettle (DaLaRi)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24796723">Out of Your Mouth (And Into Mine)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaLaRi/pseuds/ElectricKettle'>ElectricKettle (DaLaRi)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hannibal (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Love Confessions, M/M, Reference to In-Universe Homophobia, Takes Place Sometime After S3E1, To Be Edited, this is hannibal and will it's not gonna be uhhh healthy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:06:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24796723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaLaRi/pseuds/ElectricKettle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>sometime in an alternate series 3, hannibal and will get to have a talk about what happened in that kitchen and what came right before. certain certainties prove not to be so incompatible.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Will Graham &amp; Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Out of Your Mouth (And Into Mine)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is entirely because hannibal got put on netflix and i watched it in one go. after s3e1 i needed to write this, though, because i don't remember how s3 goes all that well and i wanted them to be able to have this sort of talk.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i would not be myself if i did not instinctively and compulsively reject everything that i want</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and am i what you want?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you’re what i wanted. i’m just trying to figure out—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">if you still want me—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—if i can forgive you, dr lecter.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a moment's pause</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">want isn’t something you feel. it’s something you act on. and i’ve decided i’m done not acting. it was a pretense when i killed freddie lounds, yes, but what i told you was true.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you lied to me.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">yes. of course. because i didn’t think—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you didn’t think i’d gotten attached enough to let myself get caught.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you brought our daughter back from the dead, hannibal. you offered me an out, after i had already betrayed you. and even when you did gut me, you let me live. you let abigail live. so why do i feel so... utterly heartbroken?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i’m surprised you didn’t say gutted. seems appropriate. it seemed fair for the scope of your betrayal. you gutted me. it was only fair i disembowel you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i knew you were lying when you said you forgave me.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i didn’t quite know yet what i had lost.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you sketched us as achilles and patroclus. you knew exactly what we were to each other.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a flight of fancy. a dream.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a fly, touching the surface of the water to see if i could recognize it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">another pause.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you are so… reckless in other areas of your life, hannibal, why this? i had to double down to see if it was intentional. you gave me *nothing.*</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i was still hoping it was.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">we were abigal’s fathers together.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">that didn’t mean you would have wanted to come with us, if i’d told you then.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i would have seen it as the offering it was. as it was, i didn’t see it until you buried that knife in me and still didn’t let me go. when you laid it all out. you lied to me, hannibal, about what your intentions were.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">is this what you’re angry with me about? not abigal?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">of course this is what i’m angry with you about! i am furious with you because i expected you to sabotage me but i was counting on you, i was relying on you, not to sabotage yourself. and because of that, here we are, and i am not entirely sure if i want anything to do with you. i prefer my partners non-self-sabotaging.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">partners…</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i’m not here to sleep with you, hannibal. i’m not interested in whatever physicality you attribute to our relationship, the most important thing is that we do not misunderstand each other.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it was not my fault that you didn’t take my offer.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">what.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a month ago, this would have worked, will. my disappointment is not so fresh anymore. you cannot expect me to believe that you were unaware of or uninterested in our physicality.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">whether or not i was interested isn’t what matters—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it matters to me. i care very much about how our physicality evolves. there is only so many times you can have intimacy murmured into your ear before you start to feel led on.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you think i led you on?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">in more ways than one. you leveraged our relationship for the benefit of the fbi, and when you were done with it, you were going to expose it, too. did you think alana’s courtship mentions wouldn’t come up in the miraculously revived freddie lounds’s tell-all memoir? or in the movie rights? i was uninterested in becoming a reimagining of hitchcock’s rope. you opened that door, just as abigail did, and i was simply unwilling to entertain what might follow you through it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">do you think the world would have been so shallow?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the world is always shallow. it took me far too long to realize it was unintentional. that you had to have simply… forgotten.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i never meant— i hadn’t thought— god, hannibal, you thought i had done that and you left me alive? left abigail alive?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i cared— i care about you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and i travelled halfway around the world before i had decided how i felt about you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">don’t do us the disservice of pretending you didn’t decide a long, long time ago, will.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i didn’t know. at least, not until the encephalitis.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i had worried, at first, that i had induced it in you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you’re a powerful man, dr lecter, but changing someone’s sexuality is beyond you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">trauma bonding was not. i had you under my suggestion, and i thought—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you thought you implanted your… fascination with me into my subconsciousness. well, doctor, let me put your mind to rest by telling you that i didn’t know until i thought you were dead.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">did you feel the same with hobbs?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">no. hobbs wasn’t my… type. it was the justice of what was being done to you, for your betrayal. it threw into contrast some feelings i had preferred not to name.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">what were they?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">jealousy, mostly, that it wasn’t me. envy of you that i realized wasn’t envy, it was this seething hurt that, when i poked at it, was because, out of everyone, the person i most should have expected was you. but i had been smitten. and because you were the copycat and the ripper, the more i saw of you in them, the more the consideration you had towards me stood out. not the adulation and peacocking of <em>my</em> admirer, no, if i was right—and your therapist confirmed it—you had made those for me. and, in spite of it all, i was charmed. i <em>hated</em> that. that was what burned me up in the hospital most, that they had been brutal, horrific murders and i had been charmed. because you’d meant them honestly. and the more i thought about that—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the more certain you became you had to kill me.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">or that we would be the death of each other.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the alternative was too horrible to imagine.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">what was the alternative?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">that you were capable of growing into the person i saw you becoming. that you, will graham, could be won over by a serial killer.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the only thing that reassured me that absolutely none of your motives had ever had prurient intent. i was in no danger of you kidnapping me away. you meant what you said. you wanted me to be your friend.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a classical friendship.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">like achilles and patroclus.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hardly chaste.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hardly prurient.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">would you have acted on what you realized?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">if you had told me about abigail? yes. you know me, you know i don’t do surprises. what made you think that would go well?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i wasn’t sure if you would leave your life for me.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you had to make sure all the bonds were cut. but before that, hannibal, when you just said we should leave, why didn’t you just tell me?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i wanted to know if i could have been enough.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hannibal…</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">foolish, i know, but—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hannibal, if it was just you i could have kept you safe. even if you’d been arrested. it would have been an unpalatable number of months where you would think i had betrayed you, and then you would be free, the fbi would accept my retirement on the laurels of the ripper case, and we could disappear.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it wasn’t fair to keep it from me, will.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">maybe, but i had been feeling a little bit unfair. you had killed abigail. it seemed justice enough.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it’s not enough, will. they would have paraded me, put me on show—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">what, like they did me?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">stop interrupting me, will.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i just want you to see that everything that has been done by me could be undone. that’s the difference between hunting and fishing. i was going to catch you, hannibal, but i was going to let you free.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i don’t believe you. you have to see the flaws in your plan.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">well, i was going to work it out.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">when? after i had killed jack crawford? after i had killed alana? the only people who were going to be left were the ones who had nearly succeeded in granting you the death penalty.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and maybe i wanted that too.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">so it was another attempt to murder me, then.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">another excuse to reveal to the world the thing in me you had helped create. if the ripper was gone, what better way to exonerate him than to perform your work in your place. another murder by the ripper, because everyone knows how he hates a copycat. a whole sounder, if i needed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you were going to kill miriam lass.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">yes. and it was going to be a display, for you to know that i hadn’t just been watching, i had been practicing. that i was ready.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you were arrogant.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i know.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you didn’t plan for the eventualities.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">clearly not.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">but knowing now the tableau you had planned, it would have been magnificent.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it would have been yours. all for you. only for you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">so i was unsure enough of my value to you that i let myself disregard my better judgement, and you were so uncertain of your completeness in my eyes that your becoming eclipsed my safety.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i know. terribly rude.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">not. insurmountable.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i want to go home, hannibal, and i know you’re not coming with me. but i want to see you. i want you to call on me.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it’s a risk you ask me to undertake so casually.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i don’t want to wait until i’ve healed. i do still want you, hannibal, and i don’t want to have to wait.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">so don’t wait.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">i</span> <span class="s1">’m fragile as a bruised grape right now— mentally, emotionally, and physically.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i will try to handle you with care.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hannibal kisses him, gently, sweetly, bending down slightly so he doesn’t have to stretch up. will freezes for a moment, then grabs at the back of hannibal’s head like he would devour him, a pained noise punching out of him, almost a whimper, and he lets go, pushes hannibal a breadth away. hannibal’s eyes are everywhere on his face. will is breathing hard, part pain, part tightly leashed hunger.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">we have to wait, hannibal, simply because i wouldn’t be able to stop myself.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">from what? giving in?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">no, of course not. giving in is never my problem.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">what is the problem, then my dear will?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">will’s grin is startled, hannibal’s eyes still follow will’s face like they’re attached by fishing line. it’s a delighted and strange and pleased expression.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the problem, forgive the joke, is that i'd want to eat you alive.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hannibal stills and then laughs. it isn’t a release of tension as much as an additional layer of energy. after a moment, will smiles, but there’s naked hunger in his look that seems to delight hannibal.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">you know that this doesn’t make the united states any safer of a refuge for me.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">oh, i know. also your passports are frozen.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">then why?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">so you know that i am serious, that this a resuming of our friendship, and that i am through playing cat and mouse with you. and so you might begin to trust that i am someone who will not lie to you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">if this is a return to the bluntness of the earliest days of our acquaintance, i have to admit i will miss your subtleties.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">my jokes?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">if that’s what you meant them to be. and i’m not asking you not to lie to me. i’m asking you not to hide it from me when you do. unlike you, sins of omission, to my mind, are far more rude than the attempted politeness of a lie.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i’ll only give you palatable lies, then.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">of course.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the pause buzzes between them.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">would you care to stay for wine or should i bid you farewell, at a risk of you pulling another stitch?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hah. i’m not going to kiss you again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">very well, the memory of this one will have to carry me until you are well enough to travel more frequently again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">i see you in the river, whenever i’m there. i can’t get away from you.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">do you want to?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">no. no i think that’s what it’s been trying to tell me.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">until next time, will.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">until next time, dr lecter.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>